Christian Dating Home > Christian Dating FAQ >

I'm ready to marry her, but she doesn't feel anything more than friendship.

Q: I seem to be in a procarious situation. I am a Christian man who in the past two years came back out of a life of sin. With my focus back on the Lord, He began blessing my life with numorous things. A promotion at work, better health, greater depth and happiness in my hobby/part time job, and He opened my eyes to a wonderful young woman who I have worked with for a year and a half. He also opened her eyes to me, and after a year and a half of friendship I finally got the courage to ask her out for a cup of coffee. I prayed intently on whether or not i should let her know how i felt, and one day it just felt right. So at said coffee shop we exchange the facts that we had both been interested in each other, but didn't know where the other stood with the Lord. Knowing we were both Christians led us to pray on whether we should try a relationship. After asking her father's permission, we decide to try. The worst that could happen was that the Lord strengthens our friendship, but not let us be married. We both said that was ok. We have been dating for 5 months, and our friendship is stronger than ever! The only thing is that in my eyes we are more than friends, but ready to marry obviously. In her eyes, we are best friends and nothing more. We are both praying that we are trying our best to honor our Lord in our relationship. I know our relationship is still young and I am praying for patience, but she is having doubts as to if she will ever feel anything more for me. Even if we end up only being brother and sister in Christ, I will be happy. But the feelings for her our Lord blessed me with couldn't have been for no reason could they have been? I have tried to seek councel from our pastors (we are members at seperate Baptist churchs) but they both advise me to end our relationship because of the minor differences in their teachings. My pastor tells me to end it and seek a woman who is more inclined to join our church, and her pastor tells me to end it because i am not a member of their church. I know this is a lot for one email, but the more I pray on the matter, the more He guides me to her. Thank your for your time and God bless. JMC - San Antonio

A: Thanks for writing.  First of all, let me say that both of your pastors are BONEHEADS!  I can't believe they're more concerned about their petty denominational differences than they are about giving the two of you some helpful advice.   Here's some advice for you both: Find a different church where they're more concerned about following Christ than they are about their stupid denomination.  I would suggest a non-denominational church.  (Sorry, but I can't stand it when a good idea, the church, gets hosed up by man's silly rules and divisions.  That's not God's will for the church.)

Okay, now for the advice you're seeking about your relationship with this young woman.  What do you mean when you say you have been dating for five months?  Do you do typical "date stuff" like go to movies, dinner and spend time together alone?  Do you always pay for things or do you go dutch or take turns?  The reason I ask is because I don't believe you should even be "dating" if you she doesn't have any romantic feelings for you.  Friends don't "date."  If she doesn't have the feelings for you by now, I wonder if she ever will.  I'm sorry to say just because you have feelings for her doesn't mean it's God's will for you to marry her.  That might be a tough thing to hear (read), but it's true.  If I believed every feeling I had was from God I'd have to conclude that God was crazy!

I believe you should stop dating immediately and go back to just being casual friends.  If it IS God's will for you to be together, it will become obvious to you both.  If not, then you have begun the process of letting go and moving on, which you need to do if she doesn't have romantic feelings for you.  I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I do believe it is the right thing for you do at this time. 

"But if we hope for what we do not yet have,we wait for it patiently." -- Romans 8:25

In Christ,

J