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We have been engaging in pseudo-sexual behaviors. I feel it is sinful, since it is so close to having sex. However, he either doesn't think so or is over came by lust.

Q: My boyfriend and I have been engaging in pseudo-sexual behaviors. We are both Christians, so we know sex out of relationship is a sin. I feel that what we have been doing is sinful, since it is so close to having sex. However, he either doesn't think so or is over came by lust. We have talked about the issue of "sin by sexual thoughts" before, but we still fall into the situations that I don't know how to satisfy his desires. I know I shouldn't have let it happen the first time, but now I don't know how to stop it. How would you deal with this situation? I am a fairly conservative dresser (I don't even wear shorts in public), so I don't think the matter is in my appearance. I think the issue is in that I don't know how to make him realize that we do is sin, how serious it is, and how I can put the message in a way that won't hurt him?

For background information, he has a very solid foundation in the Bible. He also has ENTJ type personality, which is known for their ability to argue effectively and strong logic reasoning. I, on the other hand, have been a Christian for a much shorter period of time and am more introverted. Usually he convinces me instead of vice versa. -- Linyi

A: Linyi, You are in a difficult position, and I am praying that my advice will be what God wants you to know.  Regarding the "pseudo-sexual behaviors," please read my article, "How Far is too Far?" which addresses the issue of premarital sex. If you are trying to pull back from what is going on and your boyfriend is continuing to push it, that is a big "red flag."  If he doesn't respect you and is not willing to honor your boundaries while you're dating, how do you think he will treat you when you are married?  I'm not just talking about sex, but about any aspect of your relationship.  Since I don't know what the two of you are doing (and don't want to know), I can only go on what you have told me, and that is that you believe what you two are doing is sin.  If that is the case, and he doesn't see it as sin also, that concerns me.  As a man, I know how strong the power of lust and sexual desire can be, but I also know we have a choice as to how we respond. 

I suggest you tell him what you want to do about this and if he won't honor your request, without complaining or making excuses, then break it off.  Joseph ran away when he was being tempted to do something he knew would displease God, and he didn't even bother to grab his coat.  I suggest you do the same.  If this man keeps pushing you to do things you know are wrong, then he's not the man for you.  A true man of God will honor your requests and will not push you to do things you know are sinful.  In fact, a true man of God would not be doing these things with you in the first place, or if he did he would repent and ask you to forgive him for taking advantage of you.  That doesn't mean he won't be tempted, but his desire to honor God and to honor and respect you will be stronger than his lust and sexual desire.  If your boyfriend won't do it, send him away and wait for someone who will.  Don't compromise and don't settle for less than what God wants for you.

A word about your personality and his:  This is a classic case of the dominant man and submissive woman.  If you're not careful, this guy will run all over you and always get his way.  Until you are married, you are not under his authority and you DO NOT have to submit to him.  Here some verses to keep in mind as you think about how he treats you:

"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Phil. 2:4)
"Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others." (1 Cor. 10:24)

Set your boundaries and stand your ground.  Don't let him argue, reason, debate, or do anything to make you change you mind.  Ask God to give you strength and to help you do this.