How Far is Too Far?

When it comes to the physical relationship, how far is too far for Christian singles? Careful! The fact that you're asking this question might be an indication that you're either headed for trouble or you're already there. This is dangerous territory; not to be taken lightly. My experience is that at least some of the people asking this question are seeking permission. In other words, they want to know what they can get away with, when the real question should be, "How can we glorify and honor God in our relationship?"

First of all, let me say that I did not always do the right thing in this area myself, before I got married. I'm happy to say that my wife and I kept our relationship pure until our wedding night, but it wasn't always easy! There are two areas I want to discuss here.

1. You need clear physical boundaries which you will not cross until you are married. Although there is some flexibility with some of them, for the most part these should be non-negotiable. I should not have to spell out what you should and shouldn't do. Suffice to say that anything beyond kissing above the neck should be a non-negotiable. When it comes to kissing you need to be careful that it doesn't get too passionate, because this can easily lead to more and, before you can say, "repent" you've crossed a boundary. Extended kissing on the lips, neck or ears gets most people jazzed up, so I recommend staying away from it. What does this leave you with? Not much, and that's the idea. Simple, short kisses on the cheeks or lips is okay, as long as you don't do it repeatedly. Holding hands and putting your arms around each other is okay, but be careful that you don't end up touching body parts "by accident." Until you're able to act on the feelings that are generated by the other things, you should stay away. Think about how special your wedding night will be if you've saved all the passion and all the "good stuff" until then. I can tell you, it's pretty awesome!

2. To avoid temptation and the possibility of crossing those boundaries, you need to set some other boundaries related to your interactions with each other. Here are some suggestions for keeping yourselves from getting into trouble.

• Don't spend a lot of time alone. Spend time together with other people, or the two of you in public places.
• Don't spend time alone late at night. You're most likely weakest late at night, when you're tired. This is a bad time to have a "make-out" session. It could lead to more, and you'll be too tired to resist.
• Don't lay down together or on top of each other. Sit up!
• Both of you should have someone to whom you are accountable who will regularly ask you if you are keeping your relationship pure.
• Praying together is great, but it is a form of intimacy. Be careful that praying doesn't lead to something else.