Patience

When I got married, it was less than three weeks from my 45th birthday. (I had never been married before.) Consequently, I think I have some basis to talk about patience in dating. :) I wanted to be married from my early 20's, but God had other plans. Looking back, I'm thankful He did not let me get married earlier, because it probably would have been a disaster. First of all, I didn't get saved until I was 32, so my relationships up to that point were not at all Christ-centered. Secondly, after I came to faith I had a lot of growing up and "cleaning up" to do. God was working on my spiritual maturity and sinfulness, and I wasn't ready for marriage for several more years. Lastly, if I had married sooner I would not have met my beautiful bride. We've been married for nearly three years now, and I'm so thankful for her. If I had my way, I would have married a lot sooner, but God had a better plan for me. I have seen this in my life many times.

Last week, I preached a sermon on Luke 1:5-25, where the angel Gabriel announces to Zechariah that his wife Elizabeth was going to have a baby, and they would name him John and he would be a prophet preparing the way for the Messiah. You see, Zechariah and Elizabeth had been unable to have children, and they were now in their 60's, or even older. Zechariah asked for a sign, because he had trouble believing this would come true, since they were so old. Are you trusting God with your singleness? Do you believe He has a plan for your life? Have you surrendered your desire for a mate to Him?

I encourage you to spend some time talking with God about your desire for a husband or wife. Be honest with Him about your desires and your feelings. If you're frustrated, tell Him. If you're angry, don't be afraid to say so (He already knows anyway). If you're struggling with feeling lonely or alone, ask Him to bring some friends into your life to spend time with. If you're not a patience person, ask Him for patience.

If you have already met someone, patience is just as important here as well. Don't rush it. Take your time and get to the know the person without any pressure or commitment. Don't be in a hurry to move forward with the relationship. If this is God's best for you, then he or she isn't going anywhere. Don't let him or her push you to move too fast, either. Hold your ground. Remember: If this is God's best for you, he or she will be willing to slow down and get to know you at your pace.

And this is very important: Don't rush into a physical relationship too quickly! First of all, there should be some strict boundaries as to what is appropriate at any time before marriage (see How Far is Too Far?). Even the simplest of physical expressions can be unhealthy if brought into the relationship too soon. Holding hands, putting your arms around each other, and kissing of any kind are all expressions of affection that can easily cloud your judgment and discernment about this person. You need to be able to think clearly and discern God's will about this person, and when the relationship gets physical that becomes increasingly more difficult. Until you believe this is the person God wants you to marry, I suggest that you refrain from any kind of physical aspect in the relationship. I know this might sound prudish to some of you, but I speak from a lot of experience. Before I was married I had quite a few relationships, and in the ones where we added the physical element the breakup was much more difficult and painful. Usually, at least one of the two people will be really hurt.

Let's review:

• God has a plan. You can trust Him because He's proven that He is trustworthy.
• Surrender your desire for a mate to God and talk with Him about it.
• Take your time getting to know someone.
• Limit the physical aspect until you're sure about him/her.

My wife and I have been married for nearly three years now. For the last year-and-a-half, we have been dealing with the pain and frustration of infertility. Once again, I find myself in the position where I need to surrender this situation to God. We are now in the process of adopting a baby girl from China, but it will be another 18 months to two years before we get to bring her home. I still have hope that He will cause us to get pregnant at some point, but the one thing I know, and believe, is that He has a great plan for us and I look forward to seeing how it all unfolds. I've been through this too many times now to not trust Him.