Waiting on the Lord

A commonly-asked question from Christian singles goes something like this, "Shouldn't I just wait on the Lord, instead of using a dating service or other means to find a mate?" It's a good question, and one we should be asking. First of all, let me say this: I believe it's never a good idea to rush ahead on something like this without seeking the Lord, and without first asking a few questions:

1. Is this biblical? Does the Bible have anything to say specifically about this?
2. Is it moral and ethical?
3. Is it safe?
4. Is it a wise thing to do?
5. Have I prayed about it until I have peace to proceed?
6. Have I sought the council of a trusted, godly friend?
7. What could the "downside" of doing this be?
8. What could the "upside" of doing this be?
9. If it costs money, can I afford it? Should I spend God's (it's all His) money on this?

These are just a few ideas of questions you could ask yourself before making an important decision.

Now, on to the main question. I believe we should pray and ask God for whatever it is we desire, and then trust Him to provide it in accordance with His will. "In accordance with His will" means He might not give us what we ask for when we ask for it, because He knows what is best for us and His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8). I remember praying fervently that God would let me marry a certain girl I was dating years ago, but he didn't. I was disappointed at the time but, in hindsight, I realize she was not the right person for me at the time, and I understand now why He didn't answer my prayer affirmatively.

Although I believe we should pray and ask God to provide, I also believe there is often some amount of "effort" required on our part. For instance, let's say I want to be more patient with people. I pray to God and ask Him to help me be more patient. Then what? Just wait for Him to "zap" me with more patience? He could do that, but He usually does not. Instead, I should pray and then DO SOMETHING that He can use to work in my life such as a Bible study on patience or reading a book on the topic. Now, let's suppose a single person prays and asks God to bring someone into his or her life who will be His best for marriage. What next? Do nothing and wait for Mr. or Miss Right to drop into your life? You could, and sometimes that will work. On the other hand, it might not. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with "putting yourself out there," as long as you do it prayerfully and with the right attitude. You're not "hunting." If you do with the idea that might meet some nice people, even though you might not meet "the one," you should be okay.

My wife and I met online. I had been doing the online thing for several years; and she was doing it for the first time. I was attending a church of about 200 with no singles group (and very few singles); she was attending a church of several thousand with huge singles group. Neither of us were meeting anyone at our respective churches. (She didn't enjoy the singles group because of the size and atmosphere.) I was an entrepreneur working out of my home, so I wasn't meeting people through work; she was an elementary school teacher and wasn't meeting anyone there either. So, online dating worked for us, because it provided a way to meet available single Christians in our area.

I believe the key is balance. We need to pray and ask God for our desires, and then ask Him what our part should be. Sometimes, it might be to simply wait on the Lord and do nothing else. Many times, however, we need to have an active part in it as well. You could pray, "Lord, what would you have me do?" The answer might be, "Nothing" or, in the case of wanting to meet someone, it could be something as simple as putting yourself in situations and places where you might meet Mr. or Miss Right. That could be an online dating service, or it could be volunteering at your church or attending a singles event. Doing a variety of things keeps it interesting and it gives you the opportunity to make some new friends. And, you never know, you just might meet that special person.

"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord;
I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me."
- Micah 7:7 (NIV)